god... you ever really stop to appreciate how confusing things can get with the opposite sex? only when another member of the SAME sex is involved though... god I love it... except not really, it makes me feel like crap...
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meh
I haven't really updated my whole... girl situation in a while so let's do that :]
Erica: I can't complain... Erica is probbly the one I am liking the most to be honest, I haven't seen her in a while and I think she may be giving up on me... which... was kind of inevitable, I mean... I am not too sure what I was thinking to think that we would work... she probably wants someone more like her... I really like her.... maybe I want what she wants? I don't know... confusing it is
in case it wasn't painfully obvious... I end up having issues when it comes to girls... A LOT... only when we are more than MORE than friends... like... when we are friends, it's ok... when we are MORE THAN friends... still ok... when it gets more intense... I start getting scarred... is it bad that I am terrified of being hurt again?... ha and the one that instilled that fear into me is coming back to Show Low next year.... oh yeah, fun right? but no, I am just going to seriously COMPLETELY ignore her existence....
I want a FFuckiN' CapRiSuN...
... this is my new hair....
it's only like half done
GOD I feel like SHIIIIITTTT
I want my troubles to just go away... I want people to maybe be a little more pleasant to be around but most of all [as weird as it is]... I want people to stop smoking around me... it's hurting to breathe and really? can't you smoke when I am not around? it's stupid
NEWER update:
Erica: I actually saw her today aaaaaaaaaaaaaand :] it went pretty well...
Sydni: ...noyeah nothing
Carissa: ...
am I starting to hurt people?... I am really feeling like an ass in the ice for what I am getting from people... that I am starting to hurt other people's feelings and that just doesn't sit well with me
I don't want to hurt anybody
I know what its like to be hurt
it's not at all fun
and someone told me today they thought I was using them, I don't get how buuut... she said that and I felt like an asssss... I would never use someone, I am trying nott to even seem like I am using anyone... that would make me the worse person I have ever been
I want to improve... not suck worse
"if you're going to suck, suck good" is what I say
