[BUT oN thEcONTraRy]

you know... I remember someone mentioning (directed toward me) that they are"not just some toy sitting around for your pleasure, to do with what you please." or something to that number and I found it funny, I kinda did... because it is the EXACT opposite, yes I am also a person but I am the toy if anyone involved is and it's ALWAYS that way, I don't mind but I mean look at it, more particularly the person who said whom I hope reads this, EVERY TIME we have kissed it was because you wanted it, you got close to me so I hardly had to make a move and that means I am not the one who is being like (HEY! KISS ME!)... I think that is you, and I don't mind, not one bit, ever... with most of the people I have or will kiss, but please don't insinuate that I am using you, yeah I am the one with the physical action addiction but you are the one who gets in my face and wants it which makes me want it more

but i mean i am willing to cut it off if you sincerely don't see where I am coming from, I am the toy out of us... not you
because i am the one who will let anyone i kind of care for pick me up and use me for their pleasure....

[ LiT up SmIlEs :) ]

you know, it's almost pathetic of me... I get more upset with myself for being upset with myself then I should... really I do.
I mean, I don't have problems with me as myself, like who I am, just.... more or less, the womanly complaint of not being attractive
I know I'm not
I am almost 17, a junior in highschool and I have had 2 girlfriends... 2 REAL girlfriends, EVER....
granted I have some girls who like me every so often for I don't quite know why, but if ANYTHING better came by (which happens and isn't too hard to see) I am to be thrown down fast.
FORTUNATE ME, huh?
I know I know people are like it can't be that bad, but seriously I see horrible people who are much more attractive than me and I get frustrated, girls with guys who treat them worse than they deserve and I don't see why, I understand that no matter how much ANYONE tries to bullshit, really, what's outside counts, A LOT... no one is going to take the time to find out who you are if what you look like sucks... that's my problem....

LIFE?

life... is.... pretty good, really...
like, outside of that, which is damn near my one ever-present complaint, I mostly don't have any.... I am still a tid sick, though, I have spent a week with strep throat, and I am getting better.

I didn't give anybody else strep throat... :]
that's good

now I am waiting for my friends to get back.... and there they are