[I DOn't MiNd. you'RE SoMEOne ThaT AIN'T Mine... or SOMEONE thaT I'lL GeT]

almost a Rainy Monday Lyric... but not.... it's Tuesday.... it DID rain on Monday... but that's just technical stuff...

god... you ever really stop to appreciate how confusing things can get with the opposite sex? only when another member of the SAME sex is involved though... god I love it... except not really, it makes me feel like crap...
:\
meh

I haven't really updated my whole... girl situation in a while so let's do that :]

Erica: I can't complain... Erica is probbly the one I am liking the most to be honest, I haven't seen her in a while and I think she may be giving up on me... which... was kind of inevitable, I mean... I am not too sure what I was thinking to think that we would work... she probably wants someone more like her... I really like her.... maybe I want what she wants? I don't know... confusing it is

in case it wasn't painfully obvious... I end up having issues when it comes to girls... A LOT... only when we are more than MORE than friends... like... when we are friends, it's ok... when we are MORE THAN friends... still ok... when it gets more intense... I start getting scarred... is it bad that I am terrified of being hurt again?... ha and the one that instilled that fear into me is coming back to Show Low next year.... oh yeah, fun right? but no, I am just going to seriously COMPLETELY ignore her existence....

I want a FFuckiN' CapRiSuN...


... this is my new hair....
it's only like half done




GOD I feel like SHIIIIITTTT

I want my troubles to just go away... I want people to maybe be a little more pleasant to be around but most of all [as weird as it is]... I want people to stop smoking around me... it's hurting to breathe and really? can't you smoke when I am not around? it's stupid

NEWER update:

Erica: I actually saw her today aaaaaaaaaaaaaand :] it went pretty well...

Sydni: ...noyeah nothing

Carissa: ...



am I starting to hurt people?... I am really feeling like an ass in the ice for what I am getting from people... that I am starting to hurt other people's feelings and that just doesn't sit well with me
I don't want to hurt anybody
I know what its like to be hurt
it's not at all fun
and someone told me today they thought I was using them, I don't get how buuut... she said that and I felt like an asssss... I would never use someone, I am trying nott to even seem like I am using anyone... that would make me the worse person I have ever been
I want to improve... not suck worse

"if you're going to suck, suck good" is what I say