[mY EYES aRe ScrEAMinG aT YoUr FacE]

ok >:I

I am a bit pissed off right now... not HORRIBLY but enough to say the least....

I find today, from a friend some information that I am going to settle out tomorrow, but the gist of which is:
I guess he was flirting with a girl that I like a whole bunch, at the begining this week, ignorant of the fact that we have a thing, he says he wouldn't have done it if he had know, but now that he does he feels like a homewrecker, I don't mind though, what ever she wants to do I guess, but he says that, and this is where I got pissed, BRUSHIA fucking went around and spat off about how she saw me making out with a bunch of other girls. THAT is where I fucking lost it and tomorrow I am going to lay into her lying ass about it.

I could hardly believe that she would fucking say something like that,  if it wasn't enough to know that the girl I like had no problem flirting with my friend but that another friend of mine was trying to screw me over....

Erica is the girl that I was like... ALL for, but I mean lately it's asthough that is going to end,

she doesn't talk to me... EVER

about her problems I mean, not in general, she talks, but never about how she feels, what she thinks, what really matters, ya know? and it is just real hard to have a "thing" without communication...

you know, and I guess Erica believes her, NOBODY came to me and asked me about it...

fucking nobody, Ethan had to tell me that Brushia was saying it to him

trying to get him to hook up with Erica...

trust these days... who can even do it??

I am only going to explain this to the internet ONE more time... I am not dating

it's NOT that I don't like anyone enough

it's NOT that I want to be a "whore" (this is another big FUCK YOU to Brushia)

it's NOT that I like seeing people in pain

it is because I am incapable of seeing why, why do it? why start something when you don't want it to end? it's always that horrid fucking title, that boyfriend/girlfriend title that seems like it ALWAYS has to end, what if that is not what I want?

I haven't felt capable of dating for a LONG time now, it's not that I don't want to date, I can think of several times I have gotten a glance that makes me want to date a certain girl or times that I have just thought, "damn I want to call you mine"

I just don't feel like I would succeed if I tried....

I feel like if I did it I would ruin it and hurt me more and hurt the other party even, and that leads to another reason I have.

I KNOW what it feels like to be broken, and I don't wish that upon anybody and I sure as hell don't want to inflict it on to anybody.

SO I don't want to hear another gosh damn person tell me that I should date, ANYONE

if I do it will be in my own time and if it ends, that will be THE END of my dating career

FUCK... I don't even know...